具體描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用戶評價
##想把孔老夫子的話變個順序說，未知死焉知生。沒想到是一本探討affair的書反而給我帶來瞭關於婚姻、兩性關係等話題頗不一樣的洞見和啓示。敏感的議題，富於同情心同理心以及專業知識（心理學、社會學、曆史、文化...ect.）的視角和執業態度，每一章節不同的關注點，大量的therapy案例等等。是一場過癮的閱讀體驗。
Thought provoking indeed. 跟她的前作Mating in Captivity比起來，這本書是基於前作並更加專攻infidelity。Esther Perel在這一方麵真的是我的偶像瞭，每次看她的書聽她的podcast都學到好多。她給的觀點都相當客觀，都有現實案例來支撐。Infidelity可以讓情侶們學到很多，但她並不建議大傢走這條路去吸取教訓；polyamory不是毫無規矩的縱欲，他們也有自己遵循的一套法則；很多時候infidelity是基於溝通失敗，權力關係失衡等等的緣由；有的關係可以在經曆外遇後存活，有的則不能，所以根本沒有一個完美的解決方案。最重要的還是明白戀愛關係中並沒有“占有權”，一切都是“租賃關係”，可以重新“續單”很好，不能重新“續單”要反思。
##基本聽完她那期ted talk就不用再看這本書瞭
##If you are looking for something that is lost, you should be aware that you will never gonna find it under the bright light directly shedding on your standing place.
##人們為什麼結成親密關係，又為何不忠？寫挺好的，文筆和學術性都有，感覺還照顧瞭一下通俗讀者如本人的八卦心情。她的有些關於infidelity的迴答很巧妙，感覺避開瞭衛道士敏感的神經又錶達瞭自己的觀點。也許有人因為得瞭癌癥獲得瞭更好的人生體驗，但是我不建議大傢得癌癥。另外這本書裏好多圖書館三十秒名場麵啊。
##想把孔老夫子的話變個順序說，未知死焉知生。沒想到是一本探討affair的書反而給我帶來瞭關於婚姻、兩性關係等話題頗不一樣的洞見和啓示。敏感的議題，富於同情心同理心以及專業知識（心理學、社會學、曆史、文化...ect.）的視角和執業態度，每一章節不同的關注點，大量的therapy案例等等。是一場過癮的閱讀體驗。
##基本聽完她那期ted talk就不用再看這本書瞭
##基本聽完她那期ted talk就不用再看這本書瞭
##作者的TED和Youtube上關於這本書對作者所做的interview（Esther Perel with Chris Cuomo: The state of Affairs — rethinking infidelity)也很值得一看。然後不知道是不是作者會九國語言的緣故，或者我的詞匯量太小，感覺整本書的用詞都很晦澀，不想一直查字典就各種連猜帶濛，重溫瞭刷閱讀理解題的感受😳