具体描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用户评价
##esther真的是这方面的expert，非常有意思的一本书，传统意义上并没有对出轨有一个统一的定义，书中讲了很多很有意思的案例+成因，后期有点拖沓，整体读得很开心
##[Audiobook] 比Esther的另一本mating in captivity更深入，毕竟这本只是专注于infidelity的问题。自己的价值观和Esther讲的基本没有什么区别，但在大多数人和mainstream practitioner看来这样的openness可能是很极端的，摊手。毕竟现在并没有做过系统的couple therapy的training，所以也不用很纠结personal value和clinical work的问题。很好奇以后如果做Gottman的training要怎么整合非常不同的价值观233
##作者的TED和Youtube上关于这本书对作者所做的interview（Esther Perel with Chris Cuomo: The state of Affairs — rethinking infidelity)也很值得一看。然后不知道是不是作者会九国语言的缘故，或者我的词汇量太小，感觉整本书的用词都很晦涩，不想一直查字典就各种连猜带蒙，重温了刷阅读理解题的感受😳
##婚前必读 安全驾驶
##[Audiobook] 比Esther的另一本mating in captivity更深入，毕竟这本只是专注于infidelity的问题。自己的价值观和Esther讲的基本没有什么区别，但在大多数人和mainstream practitioner看来这样的openness可能是很极端的，摊手。毕竟现在并没有做过系统的couple therapy的training，所以也不用很纠结personal value和clinical work的问题。很好奇以后如果做Gottman的training要怎么整合非常不同的价值观233
##esther真的是这方面的expert，非常有意思的一本书，传统意义上并没有对出轨有一个统一的定义，书中讲了很多很有意思的案例+成因，后期有点拖沓，整体读得很开心
##[Audiobook] 比Esther的另一本mating in captivity更深入，毕竟这本只是专注于infidelity的问题。自己的价值观和Esther讲的基本没有什么区别，但在大多数人和mainstream practitioner看来这样的openness可能是很极端的，摊手。毕竟现在并没有做过系统的couple therapy的training，所以也不用很纠结personal value和clinical work的问题。很好奇以后如果做Gottman的training要怎么整合非常不同的价值观233
##想把孔老夫子的话变个顺序说，未知死焉知生。没想到是一本探讨affair的书反而给我带来了关于婚姻、两性关系等话题颇不一样的洞见和启示。敏感的议题，富于同情心同理心以及专业知识（心理学、社会学、历史、文化...ect.）的视角和执业态度，每一章节不同的关注点，大量的therapy案例等等。是一场过瘾的阅读体验。
##existential affair的说法有意思，关系性质彼此明确的话，affair源于个人的existential crisis. 修补关系的沟通：分析需求而非执迷细节，investigative instead of detective approach.